The World's Most Comprehensive Roommate Agreement

WHEREAS, Roommate Name (hereafter referred to as "Roommate") agrees to the following reasonable demands:

1. Roommate must only listen to music that is not an insult to musicians everywhere. @iRunthisGalaxy
2. Roommate must dress appropriately for the weather, with a specific focus on not wearing Uggs in mid-September Virginia. @kathrynhaskins
3. Roommate must not touch food that doesn't belong to her. @cierraezamora
4. Roommate must refrain from peacefully sleeping when there is reading to be done. @twishaawishaa
5. Roommate must cultivate hobbies, particularly those that get her out of the house. @quietbut_DEADLY
6. Roommate hereby certifies that she is not Mariah Carey, nor does she sound like her. @BreezyB_88
7. Roommate agrees not to cry like a baby while watching re-runs of NBC's "Heroes". @Keeetiaaaa
8. Guests brought by Roommate into the home must refrain from excessive eructation (i.e. burping) @TaylorLaRae13
9. No snuggling. @tobes23
10. Roommate must stand unequivocally against the practice of bestiality. @TDanzley
11. Roommate must have adequate aim when passing water. @soykaVI
12. Roommate must refrain from attempts to overdose other housemates with over-the-counter pain medication. @re_cb4byy
13. Conversations between roommate and herself must remain confined to inner dialogue. @EmileighAnne
14. Roommate agrees to not be lazy bum, and to refrain from taking all the stuff. @ramseysmith016
15. While on the premises, Roommate agrees not to use coat hangers as projectile weapons. @RatchetJames
16. Roommate agrees not to tweet about the other housemates while they are literally sitting 3 feet away from her. @JessieAllen1991
17. Roommate agrees not to call the other housemates "God" or any other deity. @stephydubz
18. Roommate certifies that her phone's ringtone is not annoying. @_NeeceyNice
19. Roommate agrees not to over-achieve to the extent where other housemates begin to doubt the wisdom of spending their time listening to music and eating fruit snacks. @wasgoodlay
20. Roommate hereby covenants with all other residents on the premises that "fat girl noises" shall be strictly prohibited, including (but not limited to) the sound of breaking one's chair while sitting down. @HelloooMegan
21. Roommate must cover his/her shame. @Morgz_gimmemore
22. Roommate hereby agrees to do the other housemates' homework. @BadGyal_Neeq
23. Roommate must keep his space tidy so as not to deny the feeling of satisfaction sought by other house mates when they clean their side of the room. @Allpub_Nard
24. Roommate agrees not to resort to biological warfare to settle a Wheat Thins dispute. @RobbyEyeballs
25. Roommate must limit discussion of "boyfriend problems" to a tolerable amount. @desireeekirk
26. Roommate affirms that handfruit will be consumed quietly, or not at all. @ayeearly
27. Roommate certifies that she owns a touch-screen phone, or agrees not to send texts at night on her ancient, stone-age cellular device. @courtty_lynn
28. Roommate affirms that she does not find Adam Sandler to be attractive. @TiNaTequilaa_
29. Roommate must make at least some kind of attempt to decorate her side of the room. @love_bdj
30. Roommate, despite a probable bipolar condition, forfeits her right to kill her housemates. @LaineyBugs
31. Roommate confirms that thongs are, in fact, real panties. @iLove_Bows
32. Roommate is prohibited from preparing meals deemed to be disgusting, specifically peanut butter and tomato sandwiches. @J_Scappy_
33. Roommate must solemnly respect the apathyology of fellow housemates. @HenleyAustin
34. Roommate agrees to act like an adult and finish his peanut butter and jam sandwich. @gschling
35. Roommate's social life shall not eclipse those of her housemates'. @JGerber20
36. Roommate's discourse with animate objects in the house must be confined to a normal speaking voice. @sunshine_876
37. Roommate shall disclose any and all skills and abilities prior to the move-in date, so as to prevent any suprising revelations of hidden talents. @lobotAMY_
38. Should a housemate die, Roommate must herself dramatically expire during the funeral, in a manner similar to Andy Rooney's college roommate. @leishaskinsosof
39. Should a housemate begin to consume a prodigious amount of pickles, Roommate should not immediately conclude that she is pregnant. @MzSweetcountry
40. Roommate should ensure that housemates are not on the premises before slandering them. @alexfrane
41. Prior to enthusiastically reporting her school progress to other housemates, Roommate should be aware that said housemates are uninterested. @michelleyyy1694
42. Unless over the age of 18, Roommate is prohibited from watching CNN. @NickPokora
43. Roommate agrees to tune her guitar in an expediant and professional fashion. @kitkatherineee
44. While mowing the lawn, Roommate must be mindful of oak saplings. @brandonproc
45. Roommate acknowledges that the "Brita must remain empty at all times" rule is, in fact, sarcastic. @Coopsy_Daisy
46. Roommate must comply if asked to leave the premises so that a dance party may be held. @whoaitsdanielle
47. Roommate must demonstrate restraint and not express shock should she learn that one of her housemates has never been arrested. @N0Bunn
48. Roommate agrees to be on time for planned excursions to Walmart. @KelseyKeween
49. If employed in a medical profession, Roommate ensures that he will not send photos of severed limbs to housemates. @jonsmithmusic
50. Roommate certifies that she is not the most annoying girl in the history of the world. @whatthe_HEK