The World's Most Comprehensive Roommate Agreement

We've scoured Twitter for every complaint we could find levied at a roommate. We then converted these into the most comprehensive roommate agreement ever! Are we missing something? Let us know! http://twitter.com/docracy

WHEREAS, Roommate Name (hereafter referred to as "Roommate") agrees to the following reasonable demands:

  1. Roommate must only listen to music that is not an insult to musicians everywhere. @iRunthisGalaxy
  2. Roommate must dress appropriately for the weather, with a specific focus on not wearing Uggs in mid-September Virginia. @kathrynhaskins
  3. Roommate must not touch food that doesn't belong to her. @cierraezamora
  4. Roommate must refrain from peacefully sleeping when there is reading to be done. @twishaawishaa
  5. Roommate must cultivate hobbies, particularly those that get her out of the house. @quietbut_DEADLY
  6. Roommate hereby certifies that she is not Mariah Carey, nor does she sound like her. @BreezyB_88
  7. Roommate agrees not to cry like a baby while watching re-runs of NBC's "Heroes". @Keeetiaaaa
  8. Guests brought by Roommate into the home must refrain from excessive eructation (i.e. burping) @TaylorLaRae13
  9. No snuggling. @tobes23
  10. Roommate must stand unequivocally against the practice of bestiality. @TDanzley
  11. Roommate must have adequate aim when passing water. @soykaVI
  12. Roommate must refrain from attempts to overdose other housemates with over-the-counter pain medication. @re_cb4byy
  13. Conversations between roommate and herself must remain confined to inner dialogue. @EmileighAnne
  14. Roommate agrees to not be lazy bum, and to refrain from taking all the stuff. @ramseysmith016
  15. While on the premises, Roommate agrees not to use coat hangers as projectile weapons. @RatchetJames
  16. Roommate agrees not to tweet about the other housemates while they are literally sitting 3 feet away from her. @JessieAllen1991
  17. Roommate agrees not to call the other housemates "God" or any other deity. @stephydubz
  18. Roommate certifies that her phone's ringtone is not annoying. @_NeeceyNice
  19. Roommate agrees not to over-achieve to the extent where other housemates begin to doubt the wisdom of spending their time listening to music and eating fruit snacks. @wasgoodlay
  20. Roommate hereby covenants with all other residents on the premises that "fat girl noises" shall be strictly prohibited, including (but not limited to) the sound of breaking one's chair while sitting down. @HelloooMegan
  21. Roommate must cover his/her shame. @Morgz_gimmemore
  22. Roommate hereby agrees to do the other housemates' homework. @BadGyal_Neeq
  23. Roommate must keep his space tidy so as not to deny the feeling of satisfaction sought by other house mates when they clean their side of the room. @Allpub_Nard
  24. Roommate agrees not to resort to biological warfare to settle a Wheat Thins dispute. @RobbyEyeballs
  25. Roommate must limit discussion of "boyfriend problems" to a tolerable amount. @desireeekirk
  26. Roommate affirms that handfruit will be consumed quietly, or not at all. @ayeearly
  27. Roommate certifies that she owns a touch-screen phone, or agrees not to send texts at night on her ancient, stone-age cellular device. @courtty_lynn
  28. Roommate affirms that she does not find Adam Sandler to be attractive. @TiNaTequilaa_
  29. Roommate must make at least some kind of attempt to decorate her side of the room. @love_bdj
  30. Roommate, despite a probable bipolar condition, forfeits her right to kill her housemates. @LaineyBugs
  31. Roommate confirms that thongs are, in fact, real panties. @iLove_Bows
  32. Roommate is prohibited from preparing meals deemed to be disgusting, specifically peanut butter and tomato sandwiches. @J_Scappy_
  33. Roommate must solemnly respect the apathyology of fellow housemates. @HenleyAustin
  34. Roommate agrees to act like an adult and finish his peanut butter and jam sandwich. @gschling
  35. Roommate's social life shall not eclipse those of her housemates'. @JGerber20
  36. Roommate's discourse with animate objects in the house must be confined to a normal speaking voice. @sunshine_876
  37. Roommate shall disclose any and all skills and abilities prior to the move-in date, so as to prevent any suprising revelations of hidden talents. @lobotAMY_
  38. Should a housemate die, Roommate must herself dramatically expire during the funeral, in a manner similar to Andy Rooney's college roommate. @leishaskinsosof
  39. Should a housemate begin to consume a prodigious amount of pickles, Roommate should not immediately conclude that she is pregnant. @MzSweetcountry
  40. Roommate should ensure that housemates are not on the premises before slandering them. @alexfrane
  41. Prior to enthusiastically reporting her school progress to other housemates, Roommate should be aware that said housemates are uninterested. @michelleyyy1694
  42. Unless over the age of 18, Roommate is prohibited from watching CNN. @NickPokora
  43. Roommate agrees to tune her guitar in an expediant and professional fashion. @kitkatherineee
  44. While mowing the lawn, Roommate must be mindful of oak saplings. @brandonproc
  45. Roommate acknowledges that the "Brita must remain empty at all times" rule is, in fact, sarcastic. @Coopsy_Daisy
  46. Roommate must comply if asked to leave the premises so that a dance party may be held. @whoaitsdanielle
  47. Roommate must demonstrate restraint and not express shock should she learn that one of her housemates has never been arrested. @N0Bunn
  48. Roommate agrees to be on time for planned excursions to Walmart. @KelseyKeween
  49. If employed in a medical profession, Roommate ensures that he will not send photos of severed limbs to housemates. @jonsmithmusic
  50. Roommate certifies that she is not the most annoying girl in the history of the world. @whatthe_HEK

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