We've scoured Twitter for every complaint we could find levied at a roommate. We then converted these into the most comprehensive roommate agreement ever! Are we missing something? Let us know! http://twitter.com/docracy
WHEREAS, Roommate Name (hereafter referred to as "Roommate") agrees to the following reasonable demands:
- Roommate must only listen to music that is not an insult to musicians everywhere. @iRunthisGalaxy
- Roommate must dress appropriately for the weather, with a specific focus on not wearing Uggs in mid-September Virginia. @kathrynhaskins
- Roommate must not touch food that doesn't belong to her. @cierraezamora
- Roommate must refrain from peacefully sleeping when there is reading to be done. @twishaawishaa
- Roommate must cultivate hobbies, particularly those that get her out of the house. @quietbut_DEADLY
- Roommate hereby certifies that she is not Mariah Carey, nor does she sound like her. @BreezyB_88
- Roommate agrees not to cry like a baby while watching re-runs of NBC's "Heroes". @Keeetiaaaa
- Guests brought by Roommate into the home must refrain from excessive eructation (i.e. burping) @TaylorLaRae13
- No snuggling. @tobes23
- Roommate must stand unequivocally against the practice of bestiality. @TDanzley
- Roommate must have adequate aim when passing water. @soykaVI
- Roommate must refrain from attempts to overdose other housemates with over-the-counter pain medication. @re_cb4byy
- Conversations between roommate and herself must remain confined to inner dialogue. @EmileighAnne
- Roommate agrees to not be lazy bum, and to refrain from taking all the stuff. @ramseysmith016
- While on the premises, Roommate agrees not to use coat hangers as projectile weapons. @RatchetJames
- Roommate agrees not to tweet about the other housemates while they are literally sitting 3 feet away from her. @JessieAllen1991
- Roommate agrees not to call the other housemates "God" or any other deity. @stephydubz
- Roommate certifies that her phone's ringtone is not annoying. @_NeeceyNice
- Roommate agrees not to over-achieve to the extent where other housemates begin to doubt the wisdom of spending their time listening to music and eating fruit snacks. @wasgoodlay
- Roommate hereby covenants with all other residents on the premises that "fat girl noises" shall be strictly prohibited, including (but not limited to) the sound of breaking one's chair while sitting down. @HelloooMegan
- Roommate must cover his/her shame. @Morgz_gimmemore
- Roommate hereby agrees to do the other housemates' homework. @BadGyal_Neeq
- Roommate must keep his space tidy so as not to deny the feeling of satisfaction sought by other house mates when they clean their side of the room. @Allpub_Nard
- Roommate agrees not to resort to biological warfare to settle a Wheat Thins dispute. @RobbyEyeballs
- Roommate must limit discussion of "boyfriend problems" to a tolerable amount. @desireeekirk
- Roommate affirms that handfruit will be consumed quietly, or not at all. @ayeearly
- Roommate certifies that she owns a touch-screen phone, or agrees not to send texts at night on her ancient, stone-age cellular device. @courtty_lynn
- Roommate affirms that she does not find Adam Sandler to be attractive. @TiNaTequilaa_
- Roommate must make at least some kind of attempt to decorate her side of the room. @love_bdj
- Roommate, despite a probable bipolar condition, forfeits her right to kill her housemates. @LaineyBugs
- Roommate confirms that thongs are, in fact, real panties. @iLove_Bows
- Roommate is prohibited from preparing meals deemed to be disgusting, specifically peanut butter and tomato sandwiches. @J_Scappy_
- Roommate must solemnly respect the apathyology of fellow housemates. @HenleyAustin
- Roommate agrees to act like an adult and finish his peanut butter and jam sandwich. @gschling
- Roommate's social life shall not eclipse those of her housemates'. @JGerber20
- Roommate's discourse with animate objects in the house must be confined to a normal speaking voice. @sunshine_876
- Roommate shall disclose any and all skills and abilities prior to the move-in date, so as to prevent any suprising revelations of hidden talents. @lobotAMY_
- Should a housemate die, Roommate must herself dramatically expire during the funeral, in a manner similar to Andy Rooney's college roommate. @leishaskinsosof
- Should a housemate begin to consume a prodigious amount of pickles, Roommate should not immediately conclude that she is pregnant. @MzSweetcountry
- Roommate should ensure that housemates are not on the premises before slandering them. @alexfrane
- Prior to enthusiastically reporting her school progress to other housemates, Roommate should be aware that said housemates are uninterested. @michelleyyy1694
- Unless over the age of 18, Roommate is prohibited from watching CNN. @NickPokora
- Roommate agrees to tune her guitar in an expediant and professional fashion. @kitkatherineee
- While mowing the lawn, Roommate must be mindful of oak saplings. @brandonproc
- Roommate acknowledges that the "Brita must remain empty at all times" rule is, in fact, sarcastic. @Coopsy_Daisy
- Roommate must comply if asked to leave the premises so that a dance party may be held. @whoaitsdanielle
- Roommate must demonstrate restraint and not express shock should she learn that one of her housemates has never been arrested. @N0Bunn
- Roommate agrees to be on time for planned excursions to Walmart. @KelseyKeween
- If employed in a medical profession, Roommate ensures that he will not send photos of severed limbs to housemates. @jonsmithmusic
- Roommate certifies that she is not the most annoying girl in the history of the world. @whatthe_HEK